Before My Bangs Grow Out

— A thank you letter of sorts

Warm that day and I drove into town like I hadn’t seen it before
Because I hadn’t really, was new to this whole freedom thing
Night before I had cried because I couldn’t make my mind up
Questions about dinner turned into 30 minute insecurities
Never really knew what was right for me

Waltzed into the salon like beauty was free
Closed my eyes and trailed a finger across the menu
This life is hard and we shouldn’t make it harder
Give me anything, and I’ll be me

5 minutes later, bangs had evolved
A forehead that was bare
Now stamped with decisivity, worn like a trophy

No time wasted on who to be
What to eat, or when to sleep
I was living life by the minute
No hesitation over anything

A bit colder a few mornings over and I sat there wondering
I could trust myself, but was I happy with me?
Round 2 at the beauty salon, emptied my wallet
This time I knew what I wanted

The same haircut, just a stronger presence
Those streaks turned into flames across my forehead
A little heavier, a little harder, kept me steady, kept me grounded
Now I also knew what I was worth, bills I made sure everyone counted

I acted with conviction, like repercussion was a byproduct I was immune to
Like the thoughts of strangers were just thoughts, not loans
Didn’t have to keep them or return the tone
Embracing myself gained traction
I stood out, became my own

-

So before my bangs grow out
I want to make an ode to
The person I was, am, and will be
She’s damn beautiful in all three

See, I’m not cutting them again,
I don’t need that safety blanket
If decisions are a staircase,
New hair is the railing

I was falling, held on to steady myself
Got accustomed to the climb
A change so large it marked my face
Showed that I’m really doing it this time

But when it grows out
I’ll still be ascending
Hundreds of feet up
No need for railings if I’m running

Before my bangs grow out
I want to commemorate
all the good things they did for me
They taught me how to style hair, how to sit in that beauty salon chair
And most importantly, they taught me how to be free